Completely fake conversations between Applegrant and their editor/marketing department

[tobiahawk.livejournal.com]

Given a lot of the darker elements in the books, I sometimes crack myself up imagining conversations between Applegrant and their marketing/editing department (This obviously just for fun, not reflective of reality, long live Scholastic for bringing us this awesome series). For example:

-Applegrant: "...And then the teenager snaps and starts systematically hunting down and murdering the main characters in cold blood. Oh, and he kills someone and throws his body down an elevator shaft in order to steal his identity."

E/MD: "You know who this book would be good for?  Eight year-olds!"

-Applegrant: "So, the book starts in an alternate universe where all the main characters are either dead/imprisoned or facists and their country is leading a racist genocidal war. We play this totally straight for like 20 pages."

Editor: "There's no sex, right?"

Applegrant: "No."

Editor: "Okay, good."

-Applegrant: "...and then the main character is tortured with alternating pleasure and pain and relives his emotional abusive childhood as a result, forcing him to soil himself and almost go insane. And the person torturing him is a deranged, captive teenage girl who reminds him of his girlfriend."

Editor: "There's no teen drinking here, right? If there is, we need a PSA somewhere about the dangers of teen drinking,.."

Have fun! :)

Comments

[ferahgo.livejournal.com]

Made me lol. Reminds me of describing the series to my boyfriend a while ago, in hopes of getting him to read it (poor thing never did when he was a kid, but I was hoping he'd still like them in his mid-20s). I was describing some of the especially sick and dark aspects of the story and he was like "...And this is for kids, really?"

[felinephoenix.livejournal.com]

I was talking to some friends about Animorphs today. They had the exact same reaction.

[kiriska.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha, these are great. XD

"Then he spends the whole book grappling with the fact that he can see the perfect plan to murder his mother, who's currently the highest ranking commander of the enemy force."

[kiriska.livejournal.com]

"They break up because she stopped him from killing his brother and in the process, handed over their greatest weapon to the enemy."

Editor: "So normal teenage love spat."

"So they recruit all these disabled kids into the war because they knew no one else cared about or wanted them."

[tobiahawk.livejournal.com]

Editor: And the disabled kids are inspirational angels, right?
Applegrant: No, they're regular people, with strengths and flaws.
Editor/MD: Oh. Hey, you know what animal would look cool ON the cover? An owl. Write that in.

[ferahgo.livejournal.com]

"Also, all the disabled kids end up dying in the final battle."

[tobiahawk.livejournal.com]

Editor: Just in a dream, right?
Applegrant: Uh, no. For real. As cannon fodder.
Editor: But the main characters generally have happy endings, right?
Applegrant: ....

[tobiahawk.livejournal.com]

Editor: So, a parent-child conflict. Okay. Does it end with a heart-touching conversation?

Applegrant: He tells her he loves her as she shoves her off a cliff.


Editor: The cliff's metaphorical, right?

Applegrant: Uh, no.

Editor: Ah. But he says "I love you." Got it. Very touching.

[quabazaa.livejournal.com]

Hahaha :) This was one of my reasons for loving this series so much as a kid, they were dark and morally ambiguous at times, and very real. No dumbing down for 8 year old me XD

(Also does anyone else think Richard Adams is similarly disturbing for kids? I read the Plague Dogs at a young age and 20 years later still have some of the messed up images in my head of them "testing on/torturing" the dogs. If only my parents knew what I was reading...)

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Applegrant: "So... um, it's about a bunch of slugs who crawl very painfully into people's ears, totally paralyse them, and oh, by the way, one of them morphs into a hideous monster and eats the hero. That last bit happens in the first book."
Not!ScholasticEditor: "Uh, okay..."
Scholastic Editor: 'Ooooh, can we have a cover that shows them all MORPHING? And-and-and can there be a flipbook? Pleeeeeease? Pretty please with a cherry on top? WOW BLUE ALIENZ OMG HE'S SO CUDDLY."
Applegrant: "... he's the villain. And they have tail blades. And did we mention he ea-"
Editor: "Animals are cool, okay? Can you put in llamas?"

/has been reading too much The Oatmeal

[tobiahawk.livejournal.com]

Editor: Oh, a dog! Kids love dogs.

Applegrant: He's using this morph to track a borderline sociopathic teenager who will soon turn against him and his friends.

Editor: Kids will think this cover is so cute!

[frenchroast.livejournal.com]

Applegrant: "So, she comes up with the only way to get rid of him without them being forced to kill him."
Scholastic: "Memory erasing, right? That's why you've got the all-powerful dude."
Applegrant: "No, they're going to trap him in rat morph and leave him on a tiny island full of rats where he can scream until he loses his mind."
Scholastic: "Rats are neat pets!"


Applegrant: "In this book, they get trapped in faux Atlantis and the queen wants to use their DNA to strengthen her people."
Scholastic: "She doesn't...there isn't any sex, right?"
Applegrant: "No, she's going to grind them into DNA sausage."
Scholastic: "Sounds delicious!"

[joking.livejournal.com]

Applegrant: ...and then Jake kills thousands of defenseless prisoners for no particular reason.

Editors: Well, he's already killed his brother and his cousin. What's a little mass murder on top gonna do?

[joking.livejournal.com]

No there isn't, but DON'T TEMPT ME oh God I already have one epic crossover series and an idea for another

[primeideal (from livejournal.com)]

Reminds me, I need to upload my Harry Potter/every fandom crossover (including Elfangor).

Here it is: http://animorphsfanfic.livejournal.com/94965.html

[swankivy.livejournal.com]

Applegrant: "So the book series essentially will contain stealing, lying, violence, vandalism, grand theft auto, breaking and entering, hostage-taking, threatening the lives of innocents, murder, and genocide."

Editor: "Wow, you've got some really terrible bad guys here!"

Applegrant: "Actually those are things the good guys do."

Editor: "WHAT?"

Applegrant: "But they have nightmares about it."

Editor: "Oh, okay."