okay so i really need to go write an actual paper (on wells's the time machine, incidentally, for my class, appropriately enough, on science fiction - i'm going to consider this "warm up" lol) BUT i really need to take a moment to say that the ending of this book actually still kills me, more than i would have expected. and I KNOW THIS IS THE ANDALITE CHRONICLES, NOT THE LET'S TALK ABOUT TOBIAS'S PROBLEMS SOME MORE CHRONICLES, but what the fuck kind of fangirl would i be if i cared about that, hmm?
He was surprised. Troubled. "She... disappeared. When I was just little. I don't know what happened. I guess she died. People say she just left because she was messed up. They said she never got over my father. I don't know. But I know she has to be dead because she'd never have just left me. No matter what. But maybe that's just what I told myself. I don't exactly have a family."
It was a fresh stab of pain in my hearts. And yet, I knew now that all was not lost.
[Go to your friends, Tobias. They are your family now].
i mean HOW FUCKING HEARTBREAKING is it that a 13-year-old kid is torn between on the one hand wanting to cling to the little-kid-like faith that his mom loved him and on the other hand has pretty much given up hope on the idea of anyone giving a fuck about him? BRB CRYING. i wonder if it was on purpose that this book came out so close to 13, because this little moment i think sheds a lot of light on tobias's non-decision to stay in the fight. someone in last week's re-read, i think maybe anijen21? mentioned that what tobias really wanted above all else is family, and i think this moment really makes that clear.
(this is even sadder to me now that i'm older and see 13-year-olds as children instead of my peers or older kids)
and how even more heartbreaking is it knowing that tobias never gets that, the same way elfangor never really got that - they both get glimpses of happiness and love that are ultimately taken from them by the necessities of war.
ugh i wish i had more time to go through this book now and look for more parallels to the rest of the series - i mentioned up-page that elfangor's human-son-that's-not-really-his is weirdly mirrored in visser, and the end of this book is of course a direct echo of the first megamorphs book - "hope" - so beautiful... but also really sad given the, i'd say latter half of the series where i don't think it's really hope they're fighting with anymore... but maybe more on that later.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2009-09-24 08:02 am (UTC)He was surprised. Troubled. "She... disappeared. When I was just little. I don't know what happened. I guess she died. People say she just left because she was messed up. They said she never got over my father. I don't know. But I know she has to be dead because she'd never have just left me. No matter what. But maybe that's just what I told myself. I don't exactly have a family."
It was a fresh stab of pain in my hearts. And yet, I knew now that all was not lost.
[Go to your friends, Tobias. They are your family now].
i mean HOW FUCKING HEARTBREAKING is it that a 13-year-old kid is torn between on the one hand wanting to cling to the little-kid-like faith that his mom loved him and on the other hand has pretty much given up hope on the idea of anyone giving a fuck about him? BRB CRYING. i wonder if it was on purpose that this book came out so close to 13, because this little moment i think sheds a lot of light on tobias's non-decision to stay in the fight. someone in last week's re-read, i think maybe
(this is even sadder to me now that i'm older and see 13-year-olds as children instead of my peers or older kids)
and how even more heartbreaking is it knowing that tobias never gets that, the same way elfangor never really got that - they both get glimpses of happiness and love that are ultimately taken from them by the necessities of war.
ugh i wish i had more time to go through this book now and look for more parallels to the rest of the series - i mentioned up-page that elfangor's human-son-that's-not-really-his is weirdly mirrored in visser, and the end of this book is of course a direct echo of the first megamorphs book - "hope" - so beautiful... but also really sad given the, i'd say latter half of the series where i don't think it's really hope they're fighting with anymore... but maybe more on that later.