animorphslj | Anyone up for a lovely dish of Mad Libs crack?

((This could have been a lot insaner. Now I'm wishing I had used words of a more random nature.))

On the windowsill, Rachel flew her sky. She had been busy with the sky for hours and now wanted nothing more than a blue cuddle or a loud massage from her lover Tobias.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her striped Tobias appeared at the door, grinning strongly.

"Put down the sky," Tobias said quickly. "Unless you want me to fly that sky on your talon."

Rachel put down the sky. She was tall. She had never seen Tobias so lucky before and it made her feathery.

Tobias picked up the sky, then withdrew a Mall from his eye. "Don't be so tall," Tobias said with a lucky grimace. "A mouse bit my hand this morning, and everything became golden. Now with this sky and this Mall I can quickly rule the world!"

Rachel clutched her expensive hand quickly. This was her lover, her striped Tobias, now staring at her with a lucky eye.

"Fight it!" Rachel shouted. "The mouse just wants the sky for his own striped devices! He doesn't love you, not the blue way I do!"

Rachel could see Tobias trembling quickly. Rachel reached out her talon and touched Tobias's eye quickly. She was striped, so striped, but she knew only her expensive love for Tobias would break the mouse's spell.

Sure enough, Tobias dropped the sky with a thunk. "Oh, Rachel," he squealed. "I'm so blue, can you ever forgive me?"

But Rachel had already moved on the windowsill. Like a tornado cutting a five mile long path of destruction through a town, she pressed her talon into Tobias's eye. And as they fell together in a golden fit of love, the sky lay on the floor, feathery and forgotten.

Why yes, I did choose Cassie/Ax. AND IT EVEN INVOLVES MORPHING. SORT OF.

The Wolf Prince

Cassie was walking through a flirtatious meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a loud little wolf lying under a tree.

Cassie skipped over to see the dear thing and was lavish to find that he was hurt! A person had pierced his special little eye and he whimpered seductively with the pain.

"My hysterical little friend," Cassie said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the person, as randomly as she could. The wolf cried out and Cassie's heart ached, like a fish flopping out of water. "You'll be all right," Cassie whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Ax and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Ax up in her arms, Cassie carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Cassie nursed Ax, cleaning his eye and feeding him Monkey-brand wolf chow.

On the eighth night, Ax climbed into bed with Cassie. He burrowed under the covers and swiftly blocked Cassie's head. It made Cassie giggle and she cuddled close to Ax, stroking his leg and singing softly to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Cassie hurried home so she could curl up with Ax. It gave her a gullible feeling whenever Ax blocked her head.

Then one night, Ax looked up at Cassie and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a crazy prince."

Cassie screamed strangely, she was so surprised. How could a wolf talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Ax said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Cassie said and kissed Ax on his leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a crazy prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Ax," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Cassie said.

"See?" Ax said and showed Cassie the scar from the person on his eye. Then he kissed Cassie and they tumbled in the scoop and did a lot of very hairy things, some of them involving an electric city.

"I love you," Ax said when they were done. Cassie clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Ax had stashed away.

And if Ax didn't know about Cassie's visits to the wolf sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.

Cassie skipping around a meadow laughing broke my brain from the get go and it was all over the place from there lol.

Poor Ax with his scar on his eye though- and WHAT exactly were they doing with the electric city? D:

Nutritious Lang Syne

Cassie sipped beautifully at her drink and stood nutritious behind a plane. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel spiritual and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how blind her tail got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Cassie knew very well why she was at the party: to see Aftran.

Ah, Aftran. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her deep blowhole made Cassie's heart beat like an Animorph that arrives in the Outback through completely impossible means.

But tonight everyone was masked. Cassie peered oddly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Aftran. There, she thought, the woman over by the tree, the vegan one with the whale mask. It had to be Aftran. No one else could look so nice, even in a whale mask.

She began to walk Cassie's way and Cassie started to panic. What if she actually talked to Cassie?

Aftran came right up to Cassie and Cassie thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Aftran said righteously. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the barn," Cassie said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so bitter.

Just then, a moral voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Cassie's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Aftran might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Aftran swept Cassie into her arms, bent her on a horse, and kissed Cassie zestfully, slipping her the tongue and groping her flipper.

Cassie could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out heavily and pulled Aftran's mask off her face. It was Aftran! "I knew it was you," Cassie said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Aftran said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Cassie watched her go. She would be right back, Cassie was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

Ah, Aftran. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her deep blowhole made Cassie's heart beat like an Animorph that arrives in the Outback through completely impossible means.

This happened on the first try with no planning?

*jaw drop*

It must be fate!

Yup :P

...although let's face it, I think no matter where 'blowhole' ended up, it was probably going to end up sounding dirty XD

It's just one of those words. *nods*

This line made me giggle madly. Cassie/Aftran forever!

like an Animorph that arrives in the Outback through completely impossible means.

Did you add that, or was it already there?

One of the things I had to fill in was a phrase that was a simile. So that was added by me, yes, although not by editing afterwards.

...And oops, that was me! (forgot I was still logged into my graphics journal, hah)

This is so much fun that I had to do this with other fandoms too.
For Animorphs I chose Elfangor and Loren, since we already have one with Tobias and Rachel.

The Miracle Of The Flea

Elfangor hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a dog that got kicked out of the house. He loathed it.

Every December, Elfangor would feel himself getting all attractive inside. He refused to put up a Christmas radio, he snapped at anyone lonely enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Elfangor had to go to the mall to buy a strong bed. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing differntly around and so much Christmas music blaring slowly, he thought his tail would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a happy woman collecting for charity. Elfangor never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the happy woman dropped his bells and ran through the window. There was a cocky flea right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the happy woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Elfangor rushed out and kindly pushed them both out of the way. There was a beautiful bang and then everything went dark.

When Elfangor woke up, he was in a blue room. There was a Christmas radio in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Elfangor's arm hurt. A lot.

The happy woman came into the room. "I'm so hurt!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Loren. You saved me from the truck. But your arm is broken."

Elfangor hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas radio up and his arm was broken, he felt quite sad, especially when he looked at Loren.

"Your arm must hurt vividly," Loren said. "I think this will help." And she pushed Elfangor several times.

Now Elfangor felt very sad indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Loren. "I love you," he said, and kissed Loren softly.

"I love you too," said Loren. Just then, the flea ran into the room and nuzzled Elfangor's hoof. "I brought him home with us," Loren said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Elfangor said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

..WHAT. *cracks up*

"Your arm must hurt vividly," Loren said. "I think this will help." And she pushed Elfangor several times.

Of all the ways I have ever shipped these two, this is NOT one of them lol. Thank you for opening my eyes. ;)

Warning: This is Tobias/Ax. It turned out so cracky I laughed IRL, but I'm warning in case you're squicked regardless.

I'm sorry, guys, I couldn't resist. :DDDDD (Yes, I love this pairing - now you all know my dirty little secret, haha).
*dies laughing at "everything became androgynous"*

--------

The Battle For The Ship

In a tree, Tobias kissed his ship. He had been busy with the ship for hours and now wanted nothing more than a peeless cuddle or an emo massage from his lover Ax.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his greedy Ax appeared at the door, grinning cleanly.

"Put down the ship," Ax said darkly. "Unless you want me to kiss that ship on your beak."

Tobias put down the ship. He was incestuous. He had never seen Ax so sexy before and it made him rose-lipt.

Ax picked up the ship, then withdrew a sword from his tail. "Don't be so incestuous," Ax said with a sexy grimace. "A hawk bit my wing this morning, and everything became androgynous. Now with this ship and this sword I can darkly rule the world!"

Tobias clutched his equestrian wing emptily. This was his lover, his greedy Ax, now staring at him with a sexy tail.

"Fight it!" Tobias shouted. "The hawk just wants the ship for his own greedy devices! He doesn't love you, not the peeless way I do!"

Tobias could see Ax trembling emptily. Tobias reached out his beak and touched Ax's tail darkly. He was greedy, so greedy, but he knew only his equestrian love for Ax would break the hawk's spell.

Sure enough, Ax dropped the ship with a thunk. "Oh, Tobias," he squealed. "I'm so peeless, can you ever forgive me?"

But Tobias had already moved in a tree. Like a hawk that watches the world being born, he pressed his beak into Ax's tail. And as they fell together in an androgynous fit of love, the ship lay on the floor, rose-lipt and forgotten.

Edited 2012-07-12 17:22 (UTC)

See, Ax resists at least on principle! ~~But not enough to follow through!~~

He had been busy with the ship for hours and now wanted nothing more than a peeless cuddle or an emo massage from his lover Ax.

...You must have definitely typed in a variety of 'interesting' words lol.

*giggles* Yes, "peeless" is still making me laugh even as I'm reading this comment. It's from that quote where Tobias says, "Does that scare the pee out of you, Ax-man?" and Ax replies, "I am as peeless as you are, Tobias, my friend."

I don't know much about emo massages, but peeless cuddles are doubtless the BEST kind lol.

Marco and Rachel
by William Shakespeare

Enter Marco

Rachel appears above at a window

Marco:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the apple, and Rachel is the Elephant.
Arise, firm Elephant, and punch the funny plate.
See, how she leans her foot upon her leg!
O, that I were a glove upon that leg,
That I might touch that foot!

Rachel:
O Marco, Marco! wherefore art thou Marco?
What's in a name? That which we call an eye
By any other name would smell as cold
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the sunlight off the dew of a leaf in the morning"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove needy.

Marco:
Lady, by yonder funny plate I swear
That tips on a chair the beauftiful table--

Rachel:
O, swear not by the plate, the haunting plate,
That hatefully changes in its scary orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise scary.
Sweet, rough night! A thousand times rough night!
Parting is such amazing sorrow,
That I shall say rough night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Marco:
Sleep dwell upon thy foot, peace in thy leg!
Would I were sleep and peace, so quickly to rest!
always will I to my firm eye's cell,
Its help to punch, and my cold eye to tell.

Edited 2012-07-13 13:55 (UTC)

I haven't seen the Shakespeare one before - I'm loving this level of ridiculous lol.

Esplin hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a Taxxon in a Catholic church.. He loathed it.

Every December, Esplin would feel himself getting all terrifying inside. He refused to put up a Christmas blade, he snapped at anyone flavoured enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Esplin had to go to the mall to buy a monstrous puddle of blood. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sharply around and so much Christmas music blaring painfully, he thought his arm would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a flourescent woman collecting for charity. Esplin never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the flourescent woman dropped his bells and ran in the wreckage of the Dome ship.. There was a segmented Antarean Bogg right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the flourescent woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Esplin rushed out and shamefully pushed them both out of the way. There was a trembling bang and then everything went dark.

When Esplin woke up, he was in a globular room. There was a Christmas blade in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Esplin's tail hurt. A lot.

The flourescent woman came into the room. "I'm so extremely painful!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Taylor. You saved me from the truck. But your tail is broken."

Esplin hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas blade up and his tail was broken, he felt quite vast, especially when he looked at Taylor.

"Your tail must hurt murderously," Taylor said. "I think this will help." And she destroyed Esplin several times.

Now Esplin felt very vast indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Taylor. "I love you," he said, and kissed Taylor obediently.

"I love you too," said Taylor. Just then, the Antarean Bogg ran into the room and nuzzled Esplin's face. "I brought him home with us," Taylor said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Esplin said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure she is. ;)

He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a Taxxon in a Catholic church.

Now I NEED crack fic of this, lol.

On December 13, Esplin had to go to the mall to buy a monstrous puddle of blood.

OMG *dies laughing*

"Your tail must hurt murderously," Taylor said. "I think this will help." And she destroyed Esplin several times.

*continues to die laughing...in public - people probably think there's something wrong with me*

OH MY GOD I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

"A Colourful Day To Punch"

Marco stepped questioningly out into the spectacular sunshine, and admired Ax's heart. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an irritable sight."

Ax climbed off the video game and walked cheekily across the grass to greet his lover. Marco patted Ax on the hand and then tried to punch him deeply, but without success.

"That's all right," Ax said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not joyful," Marco. "Not as joyful as the time we punched out at sea."

Ax nodded softly. "We were cocky back in those days."

"Our butts were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Marco said. "Everything seems pretty and troublesome when you're young."

"Of course," Ax said. "But now we're deep, we can still have fun. If we go about it jokingly."

"Jokingly?" Marco said . "But how?"

"With this," Ax said and held out a sneaky ball. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to punch."

Marco swallowed the ball at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to punch jokingly. They punched like the night sky, twinkling with thousands of stars.. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

//pissing myself. (sorry for the somehow strangely perverted marco/ax, people)

Ax nodded softly. "We were cocky back in those days."

"Our butts were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Marco said. "Everything seems pretty and troublesome when you're young."

"Of course," Ax said. "But now we're deep, we can still have fun. If we go about it jokingly."

"Jokingly?" Marco said . "But how?"

"With this," Ax said and held out a sneaky ball. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to punch."

Just.. Just... That happened completely without editting?! Wowwww this Mad Libs maker has a dirty, dirty mind lol.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

There is no way being on the neightbors lawn is not Marco's fault.

(If this is too much, I apologize.)

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Elfangor and Visser Three went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Elfangor hit Visser Three in his left nipple with a big eager iceball. It hurt a lot, but Elfangor kissed it lustfully and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really hard snow man!" Elfangor said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Visser Three said. "That would be more pantsless and politically correct."

"I know," Elfangor said. "We can make a snow fartbat. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up eagerly and made an irresistable snow fartbat. Elfangor put on a children's card game for the pinkie finger. The fartbat was almost as big as Visser Three.

"It looks erect," Elfangor said teasingly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Visser Three said and held up a horny dildo. "I found this next to a strip joint." He put the dildo onto the fartbat's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the fartbat, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a teammate's boyfriend's wooden bat to Nancy Kerrigan's knees.

Visser Three screamed quickly and ran but the snow fartbat chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow fartbat farted him gingerly.

"Nobody does that to my little Bulbous Broken Condom," Elfangor screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow fartbat through the flank. It fell down and Elfangor kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Visser Three said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The dildo lay in the yard until a vibrating child picked it up and took it home.

Anyone up for a lovely dish of Mad Libs crack?

The Battle For The Sky - Rachel/Tobias

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...You already know what pairing I've picked, don't you?

Of course we all did Madam Mod ;)

I am getting so predictable

Or I've haunted this comm for too long lol ;) (Lies there is no such thing!)

Re: Of course we all did Madam Mod ;)

Re: ...You already know what pairing I've picked, don't you?

Re: ...You already know what pairing I've picked, don't you?

Re: ...You already know what pairing I've picked, don't you?

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Every December, Elfangor would feel himself getting all attractive inside.

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"Don't be so incestuous," Ax said with a sexy grimace.

Re: "Don't be so incestuous," Ax said with a sexy grimace.

Re: "Don't be so incestuous," Ax said with a sexy grimace.

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What's in a name? That which we call an eye / By any other name would smell as cold

The Miracle of the Anterean Bogg <3

The flourescent woman came into the room. "I'm so extremely painful!" she said.

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The Sexy Terror of the Snow - Visser Three/Elfangor